A Possible Loss
by i-love-svu
Summary: No, it was a lot less than love. It was a release. Femslash, don't click if this isn't your thing. Complete.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own CSI and am glad.**

**Author's Note: I'm not sure where I'm going with this, but we'll see what I can come up with. I'll let you figure out whose point of view it's from. XD

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It was never about love, or any of that bullshit. No, it was a lot less than love. It was a release; a way to escape from our jobs. A way for us to take out the frustrations we had, in a way that just seemed the least destructive. Fucking each other, no matter how bad of a choice it looked like, helped immensely. I was shocked at first when I found out how much better I felt after one of our little sessions. So was she, but we never spoke about it.

Slowly and awkwardly, things continued. We made sure we didn't get the same cases at work, as if it would've given away what we did together on our nights off. On the off chance that we did have to work together, she didn't bother me and I did my best to do the same. Sometimes I couldn't help but to ask her a question, just to see that look in her eyes. That look that conveyed so many things, the main being that she was very ready for the event we both knew would take place that night. Looking back now, I remember always loving that glance she gave me. I thought it was clever of us to communicate through knowing glances and very brief but telling words.

I remember that night as if it had occurred yesterday, and it scares me to revisit it. I'm not exactly thinking clearly, so my mind rushes back to that memory, despite my protests.

She had driven the two of us home after what had been a very long shift. As usual, there was no conversation. There never was. We always went straight home, took turns fucking each other until we passed out, and when we awoke, went about our own business. I don't think in the entire year we kept our secret, we ever said more than two words to each other. That night, that horribly fateful night, was the one exception.

Inside my apartment, she pinned me against the door with a force that I had never seen. Her mouth hungrily met mine, our tongues aching to taste more of each other. Something inside of me clicked that I was having sex with this breathtaking woman, and she didn't even care about me. Don't ask me what caused this revelation, because I honestly don't know. But it was there in my head, and I couldn't make it go away. You could see the disappointment on her face as I pulled back.

"I can't do this." My voice was soft and barely audible through my panting breaths. How she managed to hear me I have no idea.

"What?"

I slowly walk away from her as I go over things in my mind. We get together, fuck each other unconscious, and then she leaves. Is that really the smartest thing to do with a coworker?

"I cannot do this anymore."

She sighs as her eyes close momentarily. When the open back up, I know that she's trying to stay calm. "Why?"

"We're coworkers." I pause, gathering the reasons why this is a bad idea. "I mean, we have to work together for a long time, right? It just doesn't seem right."

She's not as moved by my realization as I had hoped. With another sigh, she walks over and sits on the couch. Her strawberry blond hair gleams in the dimmed overhead light. I was as she runs her hand over her face, then looks up at me. "You knew those things when we started this."

I nod quickly, calming her before it's needed. "I know, and I'm sorry. But I really can't do this anymore."

My heart pangs with guilt at the look upon her face. A look of shock, sorrow, and loss. The last one is the most devastating; I didn't expect her to be quite so saddened by this. Without another word, she stands up and leaves my apartment. Leaving me to stand in my living room wondering what the hell made me hurt someone that I cherished so much.


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note: I'm so sorry this took me so long to finish! School/work are really stressing me out and I wasn't able to write anything that people would want to read. I hope this is a nice finish for the story though.

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It wasn't long before I felt immensely guilty for what I had said. I mean, I had this amazing thing going on with Catherine, the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. And I ended it. Yes, my reasoning was good; but the way I handled the situation was not. As my cell phone rang, the cheerful tone filling my empty apartment, I didn't really expect to hear her voice on the other end of the line.

"Sara." Her tone startled me, the lack of emotion it had. It was frightening to hear her sound so calm.

"Yes, Catherine?"

And surprisingly, my voice matched hers perfectly. I didn't mean for it to, but it did, almost automatically.

"I think we need to talk." Her tone grew colder, if that was even possible. "And soon."

"How soon? Now?"

"Yes. I'll be…," She sighed and I winced at the obvious distain for me that was audible. "I'll be at your apartment in a few moments."

She hung up before I could protest. Closing my cell phone, it was my turn to sigh. I really didn't want to see her again so soon; not because I was angry at her or anything, I just didn't think I could handle being in the same room with her. Every other time we had been alone together, it had ended in… well, you know.

I didn't have time to formulate a plan and believe me, I wanted to. But a knock came from my door and I knew right away that it was Catherine. And that I needed to deal with everything right then. I trudged to the door, dragging my feet along the hardwood.

As I pulled the door open, I saw an unfamiliar sight: Catherine Willows was standing on my doorstep, her eyes red and puffy from what was most likely crying. I instantly, but gently, pulled her inside.

"I'm sorry." The first words out of my mouth were apologies; apologies that she deserved.

She shook her head and I took that to be a silencing gesture. "Just be quiet for a minute, Sara."

I really wasn't in any position to argue with her, so I did as she had requested. I shut up.

"Sara, I don't think we did the right thing. By stopping it, I mean."

Her words hit me and my intrigue started to rise. I inclined my head to signify that she could continue.

"Don't you think…? I didn't imagine anything, did I?" Catherine sighed once again. Her still puffy eyes met mine, and my heart skipped a beat. She looked as guilty as I felt, and I was responsible for any and all pain she was experiencing. But her questions confused me greatly; and I couldn't truthfully answer her until I fully understood what she was talking about.

"Imagine what, Cath?"

She ran her left hand over her face, hoping to take the sorrow away with the brush of her palm. "This is really hard for me to ask this, Sara."

Against my gut feelings, I placed a reassuring hand on her shoulder. "It's okay. I'm listening."

"Did I imagine a spark between us?"

I took a moment to look at her, to see if she really meant that. Her eyes, the most telling feature she possessed, gave away that she did mean what she had asked. I had to suppress a smile before I could answer.

"No. I noticed it too." My voice came out quiet, much more so than I had intended.

Catherine raised her head to glance at me and I swear I saw just the briefest hints of a smile. "I didn't think I had been imaging things, but I wanted to be sure."

I smiled, unable to keep my grin hidden any longer. "How about we sit down and do something we've never done before? Talk, about us."

Now it was Catherine's turn to grin. She took my hand and led me over to the couch, where we both sat down and begin talking. For the first time since I met her, I was actually connecting with the strawberry blond in a way that I had always wanted to. After going through some rough times, we were finally having the heart-to-heart we should have had a very long time ago.


End file.
